More Hours, Less Time

I’ve been given a few more hours at work and now that puts me in a dilemma. I am not complaining though, the extra hours at work means a few more cents in the bank account, BUT it has taken a few more hours away from my family, and for me who has a toddler who needs my attention, love, care and nurture, that is not so good.

I am torn every time I step out of our apartment, every time I kiss goodbye to my little boy and head off to work (especially when it’s a long shift). My heart says don’t go, but I have to, or else, we won’t have anything to eat. Hubby’s income is not enough, so I should work to augment our expenses. Okay, I admit, it makes me a little bit happy to see a few more hours in my schedule at work, but it makes me sad at the same time because I can’t spend that much time with my family anymore. Call me whatever, but for me, spending time with my boys are far more important than spending a little more time at work, even though I earn from that and it bring food to our table and I am able to help other people as well.

I know, it’s so hard, it just tears my heart apart. I like the fact that I earn a little more, but I loathe the time away from my family! It’s such an irony. But then I guess, I will have to live like this for a couple of years, until the little one is ready for school. Until then, I can finally say that I would love to work more hours to be able to help provide for my growing boys, but for now, my little boy needs me, and I feel guilty that sometimes I spend too much time facing my laptop (when I am at home) than teaching him what he has to learn.

It is such a dilemma.

Screaming Little Boys

Oh my gosh! I have screaming little boys! With thin walls and neighbors next to it, they can be heard from outside, even to the floor below us! I want them to stop screaming and shouting because I am afraid that our neighbors will complain of our noise, but I can’t make them stop, they’re just being kids, they’re playing and suppressing their happiness and enjoyment is not a really good idea. I really feel sorry for them every time I tell them not to scream because I know they are having fun, I feel bad that I am not able to afford them a yard where they can play and scream their hearts out.

As a parent, I really feel desperate to providing them a better shelter. I mean a house where they can play without me thinking of what our next door neighbors will say, a house with a yard where they can run around, a room for them where they can play with toys, watch TV or play indoor games, a house that we can call our home. It makes me cry knowing that they can’t have it (just yet) because we don’t have enough, even if we apply for mortgage, we still can’t be able to afford to pay it. It makes me feel so sad and bad. When I look at my kids not being able to go out in the balcony (for safety reasons), and when I see them confined in our small apartment, I can’t help but think of winning the Lotto, that way, I can buy them a house, and let them enjoy their childhood.

So with all their screaming, I think of our neighbors, I just hope they won’t complain and come knocking in our door. As for my boys, they’re just being themselves.